How to score call of duty time without your missus getting miffed

So it’s the festive season and you need a bit of downtime. You’ve been working hard in the run up to finishing work before the holidays. Let JOE tell you how to get some.

by Genna Patterson

If Carlsberg did bloke Christmas’s this would mean you with a crate of beer (Carlsberg of course), the telly and Call of Duty. No interruptions unless they’re of the call of nature variety.

However, unless you have no family, friends or obligations (what’s wrong with you, even Hitler had a girlfriend?), you will probably spend most of your time being shepherded around family and friends houses, roped into helping make dinner or worse, clean up after dinner; before or after you’ve done the rounds with the other half.

This does not please you. So how do you get the time, without being nagged, to relax, put your feet up and get some time to yourself with the Xbox or PlayStation?

By ‘buying’ time, that’s how. Here’s JOE’s guide to Christmas tasks that may just appease your loved ones and score you points for some real man time.

CDT = Call of Duty Time

Visiting the in-laws – 1 hour CDT

Visiting the siblings-in-law with the screaming house full of kids – 1.5 hours CDT

Setting the table – 10 minutes CDT

Clearing the table – 10 minutes CDT

Loading the dishwasher -10 minutes CDT

Hoovering – 20 minutes CDT

Present shopping (unattended) – 1 hour CDT

Present shopping (attended by missus) – 30 minutes CDT

Wrapping presents – 10 minutes CDT

Cooking dinner – 30 minutes CDT

Peeling spuds, carrots, Brussels sprouts etc – 20 minutes CDT

Going to mass/church – 40 minutes CDT

Designated driver for any Christmas drinks occasion – 15 minutes CDT

Buying last minute items – 15 minutes CDT

Fixing the thing that broke – 10 minutes CDT

JOE would like to suggest using your CDT when the missus is getting ready – you know you might get some extra time in while she figures out what to wear. Use your time wisely, and maybe even save some up for when you really need it.

Note: Running a bath for your lady will not only buy you at least 30 minutes CDT, but you will also get to use the time she is occupied for some extra CDT.

Happy Christmas from JOE.